A land of make believe.

Today was the day I would start my transformation into Blake Lively, except that I got up and wanted pancakes. I did not make pancakes because a “30 minute meal” usually takes me two hours, and Sloan did not have the patience to wait for me to whip up a pile of carbs, even with the cheerios/blueberries breakfast decoy.

Now I’ve turned on the TV so I can write this. Yes, I let her watch TV. And sometimes I let her play on the iPad to which she has become so insanely proficient it is scary. And she eats goldfish and fruit cups. And she had formula as a baby. And still gets a bottle at night. So by today’s standards, I’m the world’s worst mom. But I look at her sweet face, and she is happy and smart and healthy and loving. So to all you moms out there killing yourself to be perfect, I’m sorry. I wish I could set you free. But you are your own warden.

In the land of make believe, I planned to start my morning before Sloan woke up, have hot water with lemon because that is supposed to do something good, get dressed in my new workout clothes and plan my day. Which would include a workout, healthy food prep, cleaning house, and organizing…something. Something always needs organizing in this house. Last night as I was driving down I-40, I was planning all this. I was planning to get home and workout after Sloan went to bed. I wasn’t going to eat anything bad. I wasn’t going to drink any drank. But I got home, got Sloan to bed, changed into pajamas, ate a piece of leftover pizza, and poured a glass of wine. I plopped in front of the TV and watched some Pretty Little Liars and New Girl. I thought to myself how I can’t keep a good plan in place for 5 minutes. I will start fresh in the morning.

In the land of reality, I woke up at 8am with Rolo laying on my head and hair. I could hear Sloan chattering in her crib, so I sit up and take my thyroid medicine…which requires me to not drink or eat anything for 30 minutes and puts a damper on each morning when all I want is to rise and drink a beautiful, glorious Nespresso. I get Sloan up and changed and downstairs. Let the dogs out and feed them. Rolo also has to have his medicine as he has been diagnosed with primary epilepsy. Le sigh. I think about pancakes and then chastise myself as this was the day Operation Blake Lively was to begin. I look around and realize my kitchen has been cleaned thanks to my mother-in-law. I silently thank her profusely. It takes a while to get breakfast completed for Sloan and myself. My kitchen is no longer clean. How does it happen so quickly? I am still in my robe and Uggs. I turn on Daniel Tiger and sit on the couch with my laptop. Rolo and Wilson have both settled in for one of many naps they will take today. It is suddenly 10am and this day that was supposed to be full of energy and accomplishment hasn’t even begun. I took the day off and Mike is out of town. Luckily the sun is out, and it is hard for me to sit around when the sun it out. I will get up soon. I will get dressed in my new workout clothes. I might even workout! There is still time. I am my own warden! I can still be Blake Lively by the end of the day…in a land of make believe.

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You are getting veerrry sleeepy

I apologize for the unexpected break in blogging. My day job has been a crazy buffet, and with what little free time I have been left, I have chosen to spend it with the hubs and furry ones.Β  With a heavier than usual work load, when I get home I really just want to relax…but I can’t! I am not a good sleeper, so working a lot, stressing a lot, and not sleeping a lot doesn’t make me the most chill person. I HAVE to figure out ways to slow the mind. For you easy going, sleep like a rock folks out there, what are your secrets? I need some major help.Β  I literally cannot remember the last time I had a good night’s sleep and woke up refreshed and energized. I’ve tried everything short of prescriptions. Melatonin, Benedryl, Nyquil, wine, liquor, hot tea, bubble baths, reading, TV, no TV, yoga, exercise, eating healthy, no wheat, eating bad, lots of wheat. It is all the same. Sometimes I can’t get to sleep, sometimes I fall asleep easily and wake up a million times, sometimes I dream so much I wake up more exhausted than when I went to bed. Sounds terrible right? It is.

So I’m reaching out to see if I’m alone in this perpetual state of tired and awake. If you’ve been through something similar what have you done to overcome it?

If we weren’t renting, I would at least set the stage with a dark and moody bedroom. Perhaps something like this…