Being a mom is hard. It is hard anyway you look at it. Every mom has a different story in a different situation and a different set of hurdles to jump over every day. However, thanks to social media, many of those hurdles are left offline. We see the best of the best. I do it too. Who wants to see the stacks of dishes (dishwasher still in a box) with paint trays and dog hair and sippy cups and beer cans all in the same frame? Well, I think I do. I think we need to to stay sane. Especially those of us who are competitive and a perfectionist to the detriment of our own quality of life. That’s me. It is a heavy burden. There is so much love/hate/love to hate on the interwebs. I see Liz (Sequins and Stripes) and Rachel (Pink Peonies…is she even human?) and the countless other mom bloggers who seem to have it all together and capture all the perfect moments. And have a bottomless bank account. And are skinny AF. I hate them. Of course I know they have their own struggles and surely they fight with their perfect husbands…maybe? But at least they can fake it long enough to share a perfect image on insta. I can’t even do that! I can’t even keep the battery charged in my “real camera”.
And to all of you stay at home moms, I hate you too. I wish I didn’t but I do. Do not tell me how you are so busy and have no time. It is like a knife that turns round and round in my spleen. Does this all stem from just being jealous? Probably. What else would it be. Comparison IS the thief of joy. No doubt about it. But I’m just being honest. I think a lot of other moms feel the same way. I know stay at home moms have their own set of crazy to deal with. But leaving my sweet baby to go a job that is no longer fulfilling is torture some days. I want to take her to the library on Wednesday mornings for toddler story time. I know I know, woe is me…
One thing I love about the Internet is connecting with women who get me. Those women will read this post and say hell yes.
The guilt of not being perfect or having it all can be suffocating. Halloween is right around the corner…does Sloan have a costume? No. I’m so exhausted I really just want to call it a mulligan and try again next year. Sloan’s first birthday is the best (worst?) example. We had just moved, Mike and I were both in and out of town, so there was no party. I had plans to at least make my girl her first birthday cake and we would go outside and it would still be fun. But Mike had to leave, it fucking rained, and I didn’t have time to make the cake. So I bought a piece from Walmart. Ok so we try and make do…except my phone battery dies right in the middle of her “blowing out” her candle. Oh and by the way, she burnt her finger on said candle bc I was too busy staring into the phone than watching my one year old. I was overcome with frustration and failure and WHY?! I know in my gut it doesn’t matter but it still bothers me.
At least I’ve got my friends to commiserate with, both real and of the Internet variety…you are both invaluable. And I’ve got my fake eyelashes and that’s something.